My Dearest Marian,
by This-Little-Mermaid
Summary: While living in the forest Marian finds a stack of letters Robin wrote to her when he was fighting in the holy land. R/M ship with mild angst.


While living in the forest Marian finds a stack of letters Robin wrote to her when he was fighting in the holy land.

This is my first ever story so I haven't any experience please review or message me and tell me what you think and how I can improve. This is spell checked (thank god I can't spell to save my life) but there may still be some mistakes so I'm sorry. I also apologise profusely for the grammar which is just as bad as my spelling. On with the story hope you like it.

A gust of wind swept through the forest howling loud. Marian shivered, although she would never admit it she was finding that she missed the comforts of a life of nobility. Mostly the warmth of indoors. It annoyed her to think she was in any way weaker than the others and so she would sit in front of the fire long after the gang had gone to bed to hide her shivers as she tried to get to sleep.

She sighed it had been at least an hour and a half since the last of the gang had retired and Marian got up and stumbled through the darkened camp. "_ahhhh_" She hissed under her breath she had tripped on something and gone flying. Marian pulled herself up and crouched next to what see could now deem as a sack. In kicking it Marian had spread its con tense across the ground and now set about gathering it up. Not much here, two daggers a quill some spare clothes including Marian noted a crusaders grab. Even in the dim light the red cross was easy to distinguish. It had to be Robins; Much's bunk was across camp next to his kitchen.

Marian's eyes slide across the floor looking for any possessions left behind. She spotted a small square bundle a reached across to pick it up. The fire was dieing down and it took Marian several moments to realise it was a stack of letters. Marian frowned who would be sending Robin so many letters. Marian rubbed the parchment between her fingers it was worn and old. Robin had no close family or friends to write to him. Had robin had a sweetheart while he was away, whom he still kept letters from? Jealously surged through Marian, surly not. They had to be from and friend or brother at arms. Marian had to be sure; she new it was silly and rude to read Robins mail but she was not used to feeling jealous and it stung her. Tucking the bundle under her arm she pushed the ruck sack under Robins bunk and headed back to the fire. she added a fresh log and with some prodding and fire roared back to life. In the newly bright light Marian examined the letters once more and was puzzled to find no address or recipient on the envelope.

Marian pulled the top letter from the bundle and opened it, her eyes grew wide its was not a love note from some floozy to Robin, it wasn't a note from anyone to Robin. It was from Robin to...her.

Marian slowly began to read,

_My Dearest Marian,_

_How I miss you, what I have seen I cannot even bring myself to say. I regret it, regret war, regret death, regret coming here but mostly regret leaving you,_

_Regret that I will never again see your lips smiling at me,_

_Regret that ill never again kiss them,_

_I regret that I can not touch your hair,_

_Regret that this land is not filled with the sound of your laughter, or even your scolds_

_I regret the things I have said, words that have hurt you_

_And worst regret the things I didn't not say _

_I regret that now I shall never get to say them._

_But I do not and never have regretted loving you_

Tears were sparking at the back of Marians eyes but she read on gently opening the next letter.

_My Dearest Marian,_

_I wonder what you are doing_

_And who you are with_

_I wonder if you think of me_

_And if it is in longing or anger_

_I wonder how you have changed_

_And how you are the same_

_I wonder how I have changed without you_

_With only blood for company_

_I wonder what Locksley looks like now_

_Do you still go there, and lie by the pond_

_I wonder if you try to imagine me_

_Like I do you_

_I wonder if you could imagine war_

_I could not imagine the reality_

_I wonder why I am here_

_Why any of us are here_

_I wonder why I left_

_And why I have not retuned_

_I wonder if I ever will_

_I wonder if you will be there if I do_

_I doubt it?_

Fat tears now rolled down Marians cheeks blended with those that had fallen when the ink was still wet.

But she read on, these letters were for her and in them Robin opened up to her like he never could in person.

_My Dearest Marian,_

_In my dreams I can still call you that_

_In my dreams you still want me to_

_In my dreams we are together_

_In my dreams we are happy_

_In my dreams there is not war_

_In my dreams Locksley is the setting_

_In my dreams we are in love_

_In my dreams we are married_

_In my dreams we are happy_

_In my dreams we have children_

_In my dreams we have a daughter_

_In my dreams she is beautiful just like you_

_In my dreams I teach all our children to shot a bow_

_In my dreams they all do it brilliantly_

_In my dreams we are happy_

_In my dreams we are growing old together_

_In my dreams time does not weaken or bond_

_In my dreams you are still gorgeous_

_In my dreams we live forever together in heaven_

_In my dreams we are happy_

_In my nightmares I can not say I love you_

_In my nightmares someone else is saying it_

_In my nightmares you say it back_

_In my nightmares you are with another_

_In my nightmares you are happy with out me_

_In my nightmares I can not see were you are_

_In my nightmares I can see it is far from me_

_In my nightmares it is not me you love_

_In my nightmares it is not me you marry_

_In my nightmares you have children but I never do_

_In my nightmares you are happy without me_

_In my nightmares you grow old by a faceless stranger's side_

_In my nightmares we have no bond left_

_In my nightmares we meet in heaven but you live forever with another_

_In my nightmares you are happy without me_

_In my reality I do not know what you are doing_

_In my reality I do not know what you are feeling_

_In my reality I do not know who you have feelings for_

_In my reality I fear the truth of my nightmares_

_And in my reality I pray for my dreams._

Marian pulled open and next letter wiping the tears that threatened to ruin these precious insights into Robin.

_My Dearest Marian,_

_I hate the distants_

_I love home_

_I hate the holy land_

_I love the king_

_But I hate his mission_

_I love England_

_I hate how hot this place is_

_I love green of Sherwood_

_I hate that all I see is brown stained red_

_I love victory_

_But hate that war has no winners_

_I love you_

_And hate me for leaving _

Marian placed the letter on the pile by her side and picked up the final letter, it was without an envelope and Marian could see dark patches of crimson. Couscous she unfolded the paper and leaned forwarded into the fire light.

_My Dearest Marian,_

_I fear for my life_

_I fear that it will end before I see you again_

_I fear that if I do live it won't be with you _

_I fear that rather it will be with the haunting images of war_

_I fear those images_

_I fear the blood soaked sand_

_I fear the smell of decaying flesh that when I close my eyes and open them once more the image does not fade_

_I fear I will never see you again _

_That's what I fear most_

_Because without you my love what is life _

_And if I have nothing in life why fear death_

_I had never thought of such things before I came here_

_My will to live always stronger than my fear of death_

_Now my fear of death is only equalled by my fear of life without you_

_I fear you don't know I love you _

_I fear you don't care_

The last letter was messy and hurried getting steadily worst the last sentence half obscured by and bloody stain. Marian's heart ached as she thought of Robin injured, dieing and trying to tell her he loved her not knowing hundreds of miles away she was wondering if he did.

She sat for a while staring into the fire or re reading the letters is wondering about them. She folded them back into there envelope and tied them back up. Creeping over to place them back in the coffers of Robin's bag. Marian stood back up and watched him he was shivering, covered only with one blanket Marian frowned Robin had had more than that. Marian shuffled to her bunk and sure enough there were Robins missing blankets laid out and neatly tucked across her bed. Despite the obvious effort that went into there neatness Marian tugged all the blankets of her bed leaving it quite bare.

She laid them over Robin gently before folding them back and slipping underneath. Snuggling up to Robin's cold form. "hhmm Marian" Marian smiled

"I never stopped loving you Robin of Locksley" Marian whispered into his ear placing a kiss on his gradually warming cheek. She buried her face against his chest and fell into the first peaceful sleep she had had since arriving in to forest.

Thanks for reading this is my first story so please review and give me some feed back and pointers thankyou!


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